I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm at about main and main street
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
