in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
