Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
