fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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