Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
