Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
