i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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