two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
