Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
