I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Oh god it's open bar.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
