just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
