remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
