true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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