You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
