corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I love you. Go after that dick
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
