I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
