why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize