My friends, they love my intelligence
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
