Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
