i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
