remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
