pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
