We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
