just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
