I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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