so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
