This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
