her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Banned from zoo.
Again?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
