just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
