I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
