Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
