I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
