She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
