At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
