if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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