I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize