the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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