Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
