Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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