Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Randomize
