Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
