My Higher Power is John Stamos
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
