why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize