I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
