Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
