Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
