yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
