You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
