You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
