I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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