I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
