Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
