peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
