He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
