well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
