What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
