is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
