For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
