You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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