YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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