I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i've created a new STD.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
