Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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