My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize