On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
