can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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