I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
