That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
