I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
