Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
