Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
