Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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