listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Randomize
