As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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