everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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