I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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