is your mom at the bar?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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