Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
