based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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