I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
