Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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