that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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