how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize