They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
