I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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