So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
