I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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