I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
