My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
