Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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