My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize