I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
