Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
