Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
