It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
