drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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