Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
