you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
