I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
