No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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